Flavors available in the canteen this week
Roasted Cardboard: dark blend of imported packing boxes with hints of styrofoam and masking tape; ideal for an afternoon pick-me-up and deposit on the photocopier until someone knocks it over and you have to call the guy from Canon.
Nubian Bum: Oscar's private stash that he keeps in the supplies cabinet behind the stacks of printing paper with the old letterhead. Pairs well with Susan's pizza she left in the fridge hoping to eat later.
French Sludge: rich blend of unidentified matter found in drain near Parisian sidewalk cafe; perfect for leaving undrunk on someone else's desk until it gets cold or they knock it over their computer keyboard.
Tar Water: thin, shiny liquid with particles of grit floating around in it, possibly decaffinated;
Obsidian XXX: grey-brown substance scraped from the bottom of that coffee pot left unwashed in the canteen sink since last week; subtle flavors of bacteria and dead fly with slightly nauseating aromas of things going bad.
Starbucks: Give me ten bucks and I'll send the intern on a coffee run; don't expect any change.