Vegetables That Should Never See The Inside Of A Cooking Pot

Number One: The Eggplant

They call Deadly Nighshade the "Devil's Cherries", but it is a description that could easily apply to Eggplants also.
Indeed, this disgusting vegetable - often adopting the wolf-in-sheep's-clothing disguise of Aubergine - has many other properties in common with that poisonous flower.
For instance, both look reasonably attractive in their natural state, yet when stewed in the frying pans of the unwary both are suddenly transformed by black arts into the bowel evacuations of Satan.
Eggplant = Slow Death By Occult Corrosion of the Stomach.
Do I make myself clear?
Should your wife or child happen to be innocently browsing the fresh produce at your local greengrocer, and, bewitched by the evil enchantments of the misgotten hunchbacked crone who haunts the fetid stench of the eggplant aisle, they are led astray into that hideous place that is shunned by daylight and all good Christian chefs, and there, forced by the foul charms of dark terrible incantations, they are tricked by evil powers into the wretched purchase of an eggplant ...
.... Look, I just don't like them, okay.

Comments

[ernie the eggplant]

We don't like you either, so bugger off back to your Yo Yo Ma Plays Ennio Morricone.

[Mrs. Peperium]

Perhaps you've never had a nicely prepared eggplant.

[Lynn S]

I had nicely prepared eggplant once. It was heavenly. I've never tried cooking it myself. I fear that my mediocre cooking skills are not worthy of such a superior vegetable.

[PJS]

Now lima beans are truly abhorrent.

[stephenesque]

I actually like Lima Beans, especially with kidney or liver. Yum!