Pisces Patients

I am proud to practice a very noble and ancient profession; so venerable it might well be called the world’s fourth or fifth oldest, and considered by connoisseurs of marine biology as an art form rather than a plain vocation; its pedigree traceable to the timeless Dead Sea shore where prehistoric cryptozoologists trepanned the coelcanths they caught with their bare hands. Yes, that’s right, I’m a fish lobotomist. You might think that fish look pretty dim in normal circumstances, but you should see one with half its already miniscule brain removed by powerful surgical tools! Behold the scaly fellow flapping his bewildered way through the champagne bubble depths of the ocean with his rubbery lips opening and closing like the broken lid on an pedal bin: fwop duh fwop duh fwop duh fwop duh.
But why perform a lobotomy on a fish? Well, can you see that bloated off-white shape floating upside down in the recuperation tank? That’s one much less schizophrenic Chilean Sea Bass, and let’s face facts, whether it’s been baked, grilled, or fried, folks don’t want to be eating mad fish now do they.