House of Ill Repute

Notoriously, as witnessed amid the excavations at Pompeii, ancient Roman homeowners thought nothing of erecting replica rampant phalluses above the doorways of their country villas: "Please come in," these mounted good luck tokens suggested. "Welcome to my humble but superbly frescoed abode." In the modern world, of course, we have replaced such salutatory domestic motifs with bulky CCTV cameras, whirring paranoid electronic appendages to the threshold that protrude from our walls at a suitably flaccid angle compared to their Priapic pagan predecessors. Even after the flaring nostril, let-it-all-hang-out success of the sexual revolution, it is virtually impossible to conceive of anyone hanging a huge plastic effigy of a cock on their front door today, unless it should be a cottage industry Viagra merchant advertising his wares, although even then he would almost certainly be risking prosecution. The entrance to my own apartment, for instance, deep within the labyrinth passages of a cursed and crumbling brownstone mansionette, is decorated with an extremely chaste wreath of seasonal flowers encircling a tasteful brass plate inscribed "Please Use Side Door" - a diversionary trap for strangers that directs unscheduled callers outside the building again.
However, folk memory of the Roman tradition remains in such modern ornamental doorway contrivances as the elongated rectangular door knocker and, of course, the English door "knob". In fact, as the writings of DH Lawrence have shown, pretty much anything can be interpreted as a phallic symbol, so I would advise you to be very careful regarding the decorative additions you attach to your house. After all, you don't want the neighbors to gossip.
Meanwhile, you can read the naughty Outer Life on his personal reaction to the female form, with multi-blog pertinent comments by the knowledgeable DarkoV and myself.

Comments

[Fcb]

As it happens, from yesterday's LA times:

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-risingsun20mar20,0,3579551.story?coll=la-home-headlines

Dang-dangalang-dang-dang-dang....

Spooky.

[stephenesque]

What is additionally spooky is that the only time I was forced to
sing karaoke, at someone's going away party, the song I chose:
"House of the Rising Sun" - because I thought I'd be able to talk
rather than sing it.

[Fcb]

Poor choice for karaoke, my opinion? It's one of those songs where everyone knows one line only, and is therefore compelled to fill-in the gaps with phoney guitar noises?

Or piano. Like "Blueberry Hiyull"?

The solution is to avoid karaoke sitations at all costs; although it is admittedly very difficult to do so while drunk? Try! Try harder!

[stephenesque]

Yes indeed. All karaoke is a poor choice. Yet I did enjoy performing my creative interpretation of "House of the Rising Sun." - if my colleagues forced me to get up again -which luckily they did not - I was going to sing a mocking version of the old Elvis classic "In the Ghetto"

[DarkoV]

Since you are the one-stop shop for phallus-related minutiaie, I pose this interpretive q.:
Those pineapple shaped door and fence ornaments...what are they?
Phallic?
Festive?
Fornicative?
Friendship?
An acquaintance well-versed in lawn ornaments proclaimed the answer to be "Friendship."
Except in the situation where there's a plethora of pineapples. Then, it's either a case of multiple acuqaintence or, as he put, "just bragging about his size."

How would you weigh in on this?

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