Buddha Call

So. It's way past midnight and I'm dozing in bed, just about to board the ferry into slumberland, when the phone rings. Hello, I say, who is it? And the voice on the other end goes: "As the bee collects nectar and fragrance, so let the sage dwell on earth and discover the path of wisdom."  ... Oh great, I thought, just what I really didn't need right now. Another late night Buddha call.
No you can't come over and sit cross-legged under the lotus tree in my living room, I told the Buddha, no matter how much enlightenment you claim you're bringing with you. Look what happened last time. You promised me a glimpse of Nirvana but all I got was a load of saffron seed clogging up the toilet.
And don't think you're going to get around me with all that super cheesy "If I said you had a beautiful bodhisattva would you hold it against me" phoney baloney that you think is so cool, either.
I know your sort. You've got a few good lines but in the end they only add up to one lousy Tripitaka and I'm not buying.... What? What's that? If I don't let you come over you're going to make sure I get reincarnated as a worm? Well listen here, pal, there's only one worm around here and it's a big fat one and it's you!

Comments

[OutOfContext]

I asked at a bookstore for the Idiot's Guide to Buddhism and the man told me that they had had a copy but it went out of print before it was published. He then said these words: You have tomato sauce on your shirt. I replied that it was strawberry jam. He smiled at the lady behind me and said: Next.
That must be why I feel compelled to make those late night calls.

[stephenesque]

... yeah, but I'm sure you mean no dharma.

[Aurelian Isaïcq]

"Such were the views of those secret associations of illuminati, which were the terror of superstition and tyranny, and which, carefully selecting wisdom and genius from the great wilderness of society, as the bee selects honey from the flowers of the thorn and the nettle, bound all human excellence in a chain, which, if it had not been prematurely broken, would have commanded opinion, and regenerated the world."

By courtesy of the venerable Peacock, of course. Then Scythrop goes on to say that "The many must be always in leading-strings; but let them have wise and honest conductors. A few to think, and many to act; that is the only basis of perfect society".

Most devotedly,
Aurelian Isaïcq