Jet Spleen

At Kitty Hawk in December 1903, if only Orville Wright had turned to his brother Wilbur and said, "You know something Wilbur, let's not tell people about our wonderful aeronautical invention. After all, the assholes will only ruin it."
Alas,  unlike the Wright Brothers' rickety flying machine, such a sensible conversation never got off the ground. And so we are stuck with gateway travel, stale peanuts, insufficient leg-room and other soul-destroying airborne inconveniences. Other passengers, for example.
When my Delta Connection arrived at Jacksonville airport this morning, the woman sat behind me immediately made three unanswered phone calls. "I just wanted to let you know that we've just landed safely." she solemnly informed a trio of answering machines, as if disaster had been expected. "And I'm okay."
After her third unsuccessful attempt at relaying news of her physical and mental wellbeing to apparently disinterested contacts, I decided to make a call of my own: "Nobody else seems to care." I told the receptionist at my office as loudly as possible, "But I thought you should know that our journey through the clouds has terminated without incident and the woman in row 3b has neither had to drink her own urine nor eat my liver while clinging to her bottom seat cushion flotation device. Over and out."
Sometimes oh how I wish stagecoach and clipper ship were still humanity's only means of available transportation. Mind you, then fellow passengers would no doubt be on the receiving end of mobile communications like: "I just wanted to let you know that we've docked at Whitby and I haven't been bitten on the neck by a vampire, haven't been eaten by a giant squid or kraken, and I haven't been forced to leap overboard after being confronted by some unnameable terror either."

Comments

[Edward Williams]

So what were you doing in Jacksonville? (And how did you manage to get back?)

[Shebah]

I had a colleague who updated her will every time she was about to go on holiday - she was in her mid twenties and was always convinced her plane was going to crash. Immediately on her return, she would start saving for next year's holiday. Nuts.

[Carter]

People say things like that when they arrive in Whitby, but not after they leave - if they leave. The airlines are beyond repair, the only hope for civilized flying is the return of Zeppelins.