Per Aspera Ad Astra

Space Tourism has always fascinated me, and so I am thinking of taking an interplanetary star cruise sometime this summer. The Costa del Asteroid is very nice in early August according to the colorful brochure I received from NASA Travel Agents.
However, I am extremely confused about what time I should arrive at the launchpad before blast-off. Terrestrial airports usually recommend two hours for normal international departures, but Cape Canaveral is telling me two months for anti-gravity training and pressurization sessions. Needless to say, this is rather inconvenient since I only get three weeks vacation time every year, and so my holiday plans have been sucked into a black hole.
Of course, I could always go to Istria or Ljubljana like everybody else does, but I've already invested in special rocket boots with Dr. Scholl's Ejector insoles and two silver utility togas, one with a red flash insignia for gala functions and another with a insulation cape for moon landings. Then there is the Mars-Earth phrase book and dictionary that I've had implanted in my cerebral cortex. It is currently giving me so many terrible headaches that I can barely leave the house, never mind zoom through the galaxy at maximum velocity.
At least the store I bought my ray gun and laser javelin from has a decent return policy.

Comments

[Peter Horne]

Don't use terminal 5.

[Rannva]

Don't smoke astro turf!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4zV4pJ8MwM