Several pseudo-scientists have taken issue with my assertion that oil can and should be cloned since, according to their dreary calculations, it is not a living substance. But the truth is a lot more spine-chillingly complicated and horrifying than mere natural states of being such as life and death can illustrate. Perhaps you have heard of the Prince of Darkness? Well, like Dracula and his creatures of the night, oil is also undead.
Some may call me a madman and dismiss my theories are foolish peasant superstitions, but how else can we explain that the fact, like the vampire can change himself into a bat, oil can transform itself into gasoline and varieties of plastic. It ventures forth from its resting place in pipelines and tanks to feed upon the environment and to gain control over the minds of men.
The only thing that kill oil is a bullet fashioned from fragments of Al Gore's skull.