The Citizen

Since I have donated so much time and energy to local charities, the city council are building a small municipal park in my honor. It's going to be near that dangerous intersection opposite Dollar Spenda at the back of the toilet rental place. Seems a strange place for a park, if you ask me, but I'm told it's promoting urban greenery awareness initiatives within the community.
The park has room for only one bench and one lamppost, apparently, but they are installing a complimentary plastic bag dispenser for picking up after incontinent dogs; one of the awareness initiatives, I assume. Mind you, I can't imagine who would want to walk a dog there, unless it happened to be a rabid pit-bull that enjoys sniffing plastic coke bottles and old syringes. "All that will be gone," the man from the council promised. And replaced with what, I asked him. "Kids," he said, which somehow wasn't very reassuring.
There is a simple metal plaque screwed into the bench that reads The Salvatore X. Koropt Memorial Park, which I think is a bit odd because my name is Joe Avridge. "Oh that's just what we're calling the park," the man from the council explained, slapping me on the back. "But everybody knows it's in your honor."