Predictably, my bravura performance as Hamlet at the Slugford Drama Festival has been heavily criticized by the philistine local media. These provincial idiots accused me of "merely phoning it in," when it should have been quite obvious to anyone with brains that I was playing The Dane as a modern commuter forced to deliver his profound soliloquies via AT&T's cellular network, and consequently experiencing all the communication problems that arise in such a situation.
Any audience familiar with theatrical genius would surely have understood that my slurred speech, nervous pauses, repeated lines and incoherent mumbling were all integral elements of this seminal interpretation of Hamlet's human condition, brilliantly conveying the poor quality of AT&T's service and the frequency of its dropped calls, and in no way offered incontrovertible evidence that in realty I am simply a extremely feeble actor who spends far too long in the bar before the curtain opens.
Honestly, do I really have to swagger on stage with an iPhone stuffed down my codpiece to ram the point home? This is the thanks I get for bringing my considerable talent for challenging, avant-garde theater to the stupid suburbs!
Any audience familiar with theatrical genius would surely have understood that my slurred speech, nervous pauses, repeated lines and incoherent mumbling were all integral elements of this seminal interpretation of Hamlet's human condition, brilliantly conveying the poor quality of AT&T's service and the frequency of its dropped calls, and in no way offered incontrovertible evidence that in realty I am simply a extremely feeble actor who spends far too long in the bar before the curtain opens.
Honestly, do I really have to swagger on stage with an iPhone stuffed down my codpiece to ram the point home? This is the thanks I get for bringing my considerable talent for challenging, avant-garde theater to the stupid suburbs!
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