I recently attended an agricultural symposium chaired by Professor Asteroid of Lachluster Community College. According to the main speaker, New MacDonald of Battery Farms, we no longer need to practice human sacrifice to ensure a good harvest. Incinerating virgins in wicker cages is all well and good but is it cost effective, he asked. Today there is no need to appease Ceres and company with expensive offerings, New MacDonald explained, because we can simply import everything we need from Chinese food processing plants. They may be chemical-based industrial factories with poor sanitation records, he continued, but by definition they are still plants, sort of.
More controversially, New MacDonald also announced that Battery Farms had outsourced over nine million busty milkmaid jobs to China in the past year. He refuted accusations that these Chinese milkmaids were more hunchbacked and wizened than our perkier domestic milkmaids by claiming that the cows didn't seem to care who was milking them. And besides, he added, it's not like there proper cows in the traditional sense of the word anyway.
New MacDonald then publicly criticised the Old MacDonald farming policy of allowing livestock - what he called "legacy animals" - to roam freely around the farm rather than confining them to strictly controlled Chinese fattening silos: there will be no more here a moo, there a moo, everywhere a moo moo, he informed his audience, instead there will just be a single death rattle moo in the Zendong slaughter pod.
New MacDonald also suggested that Johnny Appleseed's name should be changed to Huang Fu Appleseed in honor of this new era of Sino-Yankee agricultural cooperation. But do not worry, he concluded, even though we will no longer be ploughing the fields and scattering the good seed on the land, our God will still be painting the wayside flower, lighting the evening star, commanding the wind and waves and feeding the birds, it's just that he will be working in tandem with General Gau of the People's Commission For Food Production