Osswald (with two s's) Schitt has died at his home in Pas le Parcelle, Switzerland. History has described Schitt as "a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma, that has been shoved up the Sphinx's bum." Closer inspection, however, reveals him to have been a complex simpleton; a Tartuffe in flâneur's clothing; the Last of the Mohicans wearing a bright orange afro comedy wig. Schitt's claim that he was the first man to set foot on the moon has never been substantiated. When asked by a skeptic how he was able to breathe in space, Schitt famously quipped "Mind your own business, dick-wad." - a beguiling riposte that has only added to his oracular legacy. It is well known that Schitt visited Missouri in 1966 to claim a lifetime's supply of antacid tablets that he won in a "Name That Stomach Gurgle" competition, and some observers have suggested that he merely confused what he believed to be the desolate, inhospitable lunar surface with downtown St Louis. Schitt had correctly identified sounds emanating from Mohammad Ali's digestive tract after consuming a bison tostada with extra guacamole. He is survived by his trinity of brood mares, Wife A, Wife B and Wife C, and their innumerable progeny.