Good Fat Bad Fat

Like fairytale magic, cholesterol has its good side (high-density lipoprotein found in vegetables) and its dark side (low-density lipoprotein found in everything you actually want to eat). These two opposing cholesterol factions are constantly locked in mortal combat with each other, battling for ultimate control of the human bloodstream. Alas, unlike fairytale magic, the dark side usually triumphs in the end: the handsome Prince must wake Snow White with a cardiac defibrillator instead of a kiss; the seven dwarfs each require a triple bypass, all except Dopey who probably needs a quadruple and Sleepy who might even die on the operating table.
According to most nutrition experts, the best way to beat dark cholesterol is to simply not be an American. Unfortunately this is harder than you think, especially if you live there. You might think that you are confining yourself to a so-called Mediterranean diet, but in all probability those dainty little olives and lumpy yogurts have been marinated in harmful saturated fats (pronounced: saturated fatsssssss) by unscrupulous food processing factories.
This dark cholesterol epidemic is similar to the crisis of Global Warming: your body is being inflated to death by the over-frying of fossil cheese in millions of unregulated fast food restaurants; by an oil slick of sugary drinks polluting your bloodstream; and by chunks of processed meat product with a nuclear half-life of twenty million years. Your frequent bouts of belching and uncontrollable flatulence are enough to shake the Earth to its very core.
I've always imagined cholesterol as a big greasy balloon filled with rancid custard, but medical images suggest that it actually resembles tiny heaps of Venetian corn polenta: not what you would expect a merciless killer to look like. Yet cholesterol is a silent and deadly assassin, content to loiter in the arteries of its victim for years disguised as that vaguely unpopular Italian side dish, before finally emerging from the shadows to strike when the fateful hour arrives.
So how can we defeat bad cholesterol, you ask, when the odds are stacked so heavily against us. Of course, we could decrypt the hieroglyphics of the Food Pyramid: consume less low-density lipoproteins (things we actually want to eat) and replace them with more high-density lipoproteins (vegetables). We could even increase our daily amount of exercise by replacing our gleaming SUV with a rickety ten-speed and biking everywhere. And we do all of these things to a degree; but by far the least strenuous and complicated method is to cheat by taking drugs such as Simvastatin and Lipitor.

Comments

[Laurent]

You'll simply have to convert from an American to a left-wing Dutch vegetarian socialist, that will solve all your health problems.

[Giric]

This is why I have no time for deeper reading. I spend all my time reading food labels and researching the latest name change for MSG. As a rule of thumb if a product has more than five ingredients, I do not buy it. If it has one word that I cannot pronounce, I do not buy it. Our government is happy to allow the food industry to poison us on any level they wish. For instance, if you wish to scare yourself to death, just take the average can of soup off your shelf and research every ingredient. If that isn't fun enough try your tooth paste, or shampoo. Between the Paraben's, Glycol's and the Carageenan, just to name a few, we are being done to death. If they are not full of false estrogen, or carcinogenic, then they are triggers for appetite, shutting off our brain chemistry that tells us when we are full. Our food industry is in bed with our chemical industry, which is supported by our medical industry, so that when you go to the doctor to fix the problem, he just writes up a prescription for more poison.
Could this be because the chemical loving, flower children of the sixties are now in charge?! Pop a pill, smell a flower, you'll stay high, for over an hour.
"Yesterday, life was such an easy game to play. Now I need a place to hide away...
Suddenly I'm not half the man I used to be. There's a shadow hanging over me..."
Well really, I wonder why?! Was it the pink, green, or blue pill you took, or was it the maraschino cherry you ate?! Now there's a little red drop of poison.

[Robbo]

Seems to me another argument in favor of drinking oneself to death before the eeeeevil dark cholesterol can whang one over the back of the head with the sock full of wet sand or lead pipe.

[Giric]

If you want to give yourself cold terrors just type into Google, side effects of Simvastatin or Lipitor. What these drugs can do to men, is down right terrifying. So think carefully before taking this option and monitor your vitals, because the little pill of today may be your nightmares of tomorrow.
Take my word for it diet change is not so bad once you get used to it. Just don't believe that soy is better, because it's not.
I can recommend California Rice Bran Oil. It's a high smoke point oil good for cooking and as a salad oil when mixed with white balsalmic vinegar. It has a light nutty flavor and is very healthy for heart patients, being much better even than olive oil. If you can't find it in your local health food store it can be purchased on-line from the company by the same name.

[Giric]

Thought for the day. If everything you say is, "tongue in cheek," how do you chew your food?!

[American fez]

Did I say "tongue in cheek"? I meant "off the top of my head"

[Alexandra]

These tiopcs are so confusing but this helped me get the job done.

[fitted kitchens]

Most people equate cholesterol as bad, but there are good and bad cholesterols. Cholesterol that you get from eggs are good.

[Marc Jacobs 2012]

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