Simple Exercises Even You Can Do

During my long convalescent period after heart surgery I re-read Coleridge's classic poem Kubla Khan, which concludes with the famous lines "For he on honey-dew hath fed/And drunk the milk of Paradise." And I thought to myself: the honey-dew is probably safe, but I bet there's a sack load of fat and cholesterol in that milk of Paradise. Obviously I am not the sort of person who would have thrived in the stately pleasure dome at Xanadu, since it does not appear to have been a particularly heart-healthy establishment.
Alas, even great literature provides no respite from the gloom of coronary artery disease, merely reminding the post-operative reader that he can no longer take advantage of all life has to offer. Rather he must adhere to strict dietary rules, maintain a rigorous program of physical exercise, and remember to take his pills every morning and night. Never completely cured, heart disease remains sleeps in your system with one eye open, like a killer shark floating silently through the channels of a blood-red sea.
My own regimen will probably not make a much sense to you, but there is method in my madness, it's just not a particularly sane method when considered from most points of view. After all, it was slavishly following the path of a conventional lifestyle that led me into these dark, cardiological woods in the first place. An unhealthy forest of fat where the deadly cholesterol beast lurks and no person with a family history of heart disease can feel secure.
Anyway, whatever, my day begins with several laps around an Olympic sized pool; or at least it would do if I was not embarrassed to take my shirt off in public because of the huge scar running down the center of my chest. Unfortunately, I must hide myself away like a Frankenstein and interact with the world via Internet instead, limiting my breakfast to a single cup of coffee and small fat-free yogurt.
My non-existent swim concludes with self recriminations for not knowing how to check my own blood pressure. To take my mind of this failure I start thinking about lunch. I usually consult the Herbivore's Delight for healthy options, but the recipes are far too complicated for me to even consider so in the end I just sling some bits of salad together.
After lunch: siesta.
Unfortunately, sleeping during the day always leaves me feeling groggy and listless, which means the rest of the afternoon is a total write-off and it's pointless to schedule any activities whatsoever. At work I become the most observant of clock-watchers. If someone walks into my office I either pretend to be on the phone or hide under the desk. Should I be found hiding under the desk I simply plead that the effects of my recent surgery have left me tired and full of pain, and that I need to lie down for a few hours.
My evening meal is a twist on the FDA's approved Food Pyramid: it's more of a Food Igloo. This special frozen menu comprises ready-made dinners from the freezer which are carefully microwaved, then liberally slathered with fat-free dressing and washed down with a glass of heart-healthy red wine. Bon appetit.
When dinner is over and the dishes have all been left in the sink for someone else to do, it is important to re-connect with the world again by watching reality television in bed: a particularly effective form of anesthesia which is obviously the highlight of my daily regimen.
As I stated earlier, such a strict and rigorous program isn't for everyone, but I find it helpful and stimulating.

Comments

[Giric]

I must confess the very first time I read those last stanza's, I was pulled into a dream of a chocolate maid, much like an Easter Bunny, surrounded by a great dome of vanilla ice cream, dripping with honeyed caramel, in a clear crystal bowl, accompanied by the sweet resounding music of a silver spoon hitting glass. Which is what, with the milk of Paradise reference, I was sure, he was referring too, my mind didn't conjure up a honey-dew melon at all.
As to the low fat yogurt, never, never,never, the stuff is nasty. Low fat products are the food industries way of hood winking one into believing they are eating healthier. You would be better off eating deep fried butter or a bowl of sugar straight up. The fat and sugar substitutes in low fat products are far worse.
I would say your best bet is to find a safe place to go for a walk. Even if you can just walk fifteen minutes to start you will be much better off.
Swimming in a public pool is certainly to be avoided, they are either cesspools of disease or chlorinated to the point of poisoning. My son, when he was in grade school, came home from swimming class with athlete's foot and chlorine burns. His dark forest green swim trunks were bleached white. I removed him from the class. So unless you wish to bleach your scar white, I think you should be very happy you never made the mistake of going into a public pool.
The wine, yes, yes that is good. Can I suggest a good book?! 1001 Cocktails, 1001 recipes for the perfect drink by Parragon Publishing. With this as your reference guide you will soon feel so good you will forget all about your troubles.

[Laurent]

A Nobel prize should go to the person who finds a way to make the effects of feeling guilty of not excercizing similar to actually excercizing. It feels equally bad as the real thing, so it should be possible.

[Giric]

I used to have a perfect exercise routine while watching t.v., until the doctor said it was just restless leg syndrome. Here I'd been burning thousands of calories with my nervous twitch and he wanted to take my only form of exercise away with a pill. In a word I don't trust doctors worth anything anymore, cause that pill took away one twitch and gave me nausea, headaches,cold sweats, muscle aches, e.d., and a lack of ability to see the color blue, while looking at the sky.
Oh, sorry, as a woman I guess I can't get e.d. and the sky hasn't been blue in Oregon for weeks, but I swear it did all the rest.
This was a paid for hire moment by the lobby against, Pharse Pharmaceuticals.

[Tatyana]

If someone else is doing your dishes, could that same someone cook you a decent meal and yell at you to go walk on a treadmill?

yes, it's pure self-interest talking: I want to read your blog for years ahead

[american fez]

Today I feel as fit as a fiddle. In fact I'm checking the pressure in my bike tires.

[Louboutin Outlet]

Of course, if you don't have a reason, have the party anyway! Just build in a surprise. Live music