Are you wearing aftershave?
Since no man desires olfactory notoriety in the office, I immediately began dreading such a question upon application of my new deodorant this morning. Even then, though still half-asleep, I knew the roll-on aroma was over-poweringly obnoxious; that its relentless stench would seep from beneath armpits, filter through the cotton and woolen layers of my clothes and stink up the atmosphere like a perfumed arsonist set fire to a Yankee Candle store.
Did somebody spray a ton of air-freshener in here?
The manufacturer describes the scent as "original" - but original what? Original scent of Louis XV taking his underpants off in Madame du Barry's boudoir? Original scent of koala bear belching up a chunk of chewed eucalyptus leaves? Original scent of headhunter brushing with minty-fresh toothpaste after devouring a German missionary?
Did somebody say "potpourri?"