telling it like it is

The sun comes out, temperatures rise, and the slovenly, disheveled masses cast several hundred years of enlightened civilization to the winds: yes, I'm talking about people wearing flip-flops.
Personally, I never leave the house without a tie, even on those days when you can fry up breakfast for six on the hood of a car. But then I never take my coat off until after the third date either. Presentable and cautious - it's just the way I like to live my life.
Should men wear flip-flops in public places? The answer is clearly "absolutely not!" Certainly, flip flops have their place, but that place is obviously somewhere hidden away, dark and embarrassing.
Why do people assume it is permissible to slouch around in a slovenly manner just because the summer months have arrived? So it happens to be ninety-five degrees outside - that is no reason to attire yourself as though you were spending a day at the beach, when in fact you are actually attending a top-level briefing on something extremely important to me.
How would the Gettysburg Address be remembered today, if the person delivering that great speech had worn flip-flops, crumpled shorts, and a grubby tee shirt? If it were remembered at all, it would be remembered as the Gettysburg Hey Dude How's It Hanging' Slack-Jawed Mumble.
Not the same thing at all.
Gentlemen should be adequately shod at all times, and flip flops are wholly inadequate. The visible, hairy toe and it's deformed toenail should remain strangers to the Public Gaze.
The first days of warm weather always remind me that Jamaica is the last place on Earth I would wish to visit. That terrible music that sounds like someone's made a cheap harmonica by folding old rolling papers over a toothless comb and stolen his mother's saucepan to bang on; dumb drinks that look like someone poured the contents of a dirty fish tank into a marguerita glass and then stuck a rancid broccoli spear in. And then there is the childishly painted, hand-carved wooden flute example of nasty smoking paraphernalia - perfect for the awful dysfunctional "pot" experience that comes as part of your package tour.
"Would you like to buy my pretty shells?"
"No thanks."
"This shell is also a massive bong."
"Go away."
Jamaica is to me what kryptonite is to Superman.
My idea of a great vacation is traveling to Venice and hiring a speedboat with a really loud klaxon - creating enormous waves as I motor towards the Lido, tie fluttering over my shoulder.
"Get out of my way!"
Now that's what I call civilization.

Comments

[ES]

I always have made it a point not to vacation in nations whose GNP is smaller than Mississippi's...You might also check with the Elder Outer Life for information concerning men improperly shod...Have you received a telegram from him? REMOVE THE MANDALS STOP IMPUDENT YOUNG IMP STOP WILL BOX EARS STOP DRAW AND QUARTER STOP...I like that guy!