A Moral Fable

Emmanuel Kant But Genghis Khan: A Moral Fable

Two weeks before her seventeenth birthday, Princess Bustia de la Faique, acclaimed throughout the land as being the most well-endowed girl in the whole of Delirium et Tremours, arranged a birthday party for herself. Feeling extremely bored and unfulfilled in her virginal bower deep in the heart of the impenetrable Castille Cleavage, Princess Bustia resolved to send enchanting, perfume scented invitations to her birthday party - or probably, edicts to attend with showers of gifts, giggled the Ladies of the Royal Bra-Room - to Emmanuel Kant, widely acclaimed as the brainiest man in the kingdom of Philosophia, and also to Genghis Khan, widely acclaimed as the toughest guy on the windswept, barren plains of Outer Mongolia.
At her party, she decided, Princess Bustia would pit the two famous men against each other in trials of strength and intelligence devised by herself, and at the close of competition she would present her hand in marriage to whichever of the men had accumulated the most points.
As soon as the two envelopes containing the party invitations were sealed, an Imperial messenger was dispatched to deliver them into the hands of the two great rivals, and instructed to receive and return with their replies as soon as possible. And from that moment on Princess Bustia paced the confines of her pink and frilly bedchamber, awaiting the responses of her chosen suitors.
Finally, on the night before the big event, Princess Bustia's messenger arrived back in Delirium, hot foot from Philosophia and Mongolia.
"Well," Princess Busia demanded. "What word from Kant and Khan?"
"My lady." the messenger replied, still out of breath. "I must inform you that Kant can't come but Khan can."
"What?"
"Kant can't come but Khan can." the messenger repeated.
"What do you mean by Kant can't." Princess Bustia shrieked, stamping her little foot. "Why can't Kant come?"
The messenger cleared his throat: "Kant told me that, alas, according to his diary he is already booked to spend that night at home thinking in bed so he can't make it."
The Princess beat her fists against the man's head, wailed, and then stormed off up the winding staircase to her virginal bower where she sat sulking and cursing Emmanuel Kant.
An hour later, after the messenger had been killed and things had settled down a little, one of the Ladies of the Royal Bra-Room persuaded the Princess to write another letter to Emmanuel Kant, asking him, if he would be so kind, to furnish her with his real reasons for not attending the birthday party he had been invited to.
Kant's eloquent and thoughtful response, a monumental undertaking that took thirty years to compose, was called Being A True Account of the Reasons Why I Could Not Attend The Birthday Party of Princess Bustia de Faique of Delirium et Tremours, later published in this country as The Critique of Pure Reason, a very fine work that has proven to be a handy guide for thinkers wishing to shirk social responsibility ever since.
But what of Genghis Khan, you ask, the suitor who consented to attend the Princess Bustia's party. Well, naturally that great Chieftain and his Mongol hordes pillaged and plundered their way across Delirium and Tremours until they reached the Castille Cleavage, where, pausing only to sing "Happy Birthday To You", they slaughtered everyone at the party including Princess Bustia herself. And then they popped all of the balloons and ate all of the cake.
So the moral of this fable is: don't go to parties thrown by large breasted aristocratic women unless you are capable of defending yourself against sudden and savage onslaught by rampaging, bloodthirsty horsemen .... it's not much of a useful moral, I know, but at least it's better than none at all. That's what I always say.

Comments

[KHH]

Now, the question, would Aikido work against Kant? I know that it could work against Kahn since we are taught to defend ourselves against sword attacks while unarmed (if he is on a horse, I am screwed however).

But would mental aikido work against Kant? Definitely food for thought.

[stephenesque]

Mental Aikido - you could charge a fortune teaching classes in that to the gullible!

[KHH]

I know. It seems like a Dogbert kinda thing to do. The best part will be when I start throwing wrenches at people and tell them to block with their mind. It's shame its slow around the site. Must be tough writing with Reagan's death eating up the news. It's weird because people were calling me at work asking if we are taking Friday off, and I'd say that since Reagan would prefer us to work on Friday, we are going to work. Then I use the mental aikio, Hai!