Biological Reveries

If the human body is really eighty percent water, then I would like all the "me" that is water to be drained and replaced by that artificially flavored fruit kind that is vitamin and mineral enriched and comes in a squeezy bottle. After such a modification, every time I swallowed it would taste of Tropical Paradise.
Meanwhile ...
Since she leaves a silver dollar for every tooth she collects from under a child's pillow, it's a great pity there is no adult equivalent of the Tooth Fairy - like, for instance, the Hair Fairy.
If there were, I personally would be a millionaire by now.
The way I see it, the Hair Fairy would live in the shower drain, and for every strand of hair he harvested he would leave a quarter in the soap dish. For the average male - sorry girls - that probably works out to something like ten bucks a day! And what about the Ear Wax Elf? Actually, we would probably have to pay him - I'm figuring a going rate of about a dime per ounce of earwax he removes. So with the ten bucks per day from the Hair Fairy, minus the earwax deduction and ubiquitous toenail tax, that's still roughly thirty dollars a month clear profit, just for getting old! It's not a great deal of money, I know, but it's probably a damn sight more than we'll get from Social Security.