My occasional correspondent, the inimitable Mr. Outer Life finds himself in a quandry: should he don his fake Thomas Hardy moustache and write reams of mordant poetry about death and mortality, or should he don his GQ fake hairy chest wig and write about inserting metal wedges into shoe heels to extend the life of the Lobb that is in need of repair.
My advice to him - recalling the considerable post bag and large number of "hits" my site received after writing about annoyingly curly shirt collars - is to go with the shoe heels everytime. As regular readers may remember, Mister Beck Senior advised me to hie my way on down to Brooks Brothers and purchase their brass collar stays, thereby ensuring that my shirt collars remained as flat as the mediaeval Earth, and as a shapely as mediaeval tavern wench's bosom - although, being of more refined mind than me, Mister Beck Senior did not crouch his advice in such coarse terms as that.
Anyway, returning to Outer Life's problem, why not write about both death and the insertion of metal wedges in to shoe heels ... in the same post? Indeed, why not write about death caused by the incorrect insertion of metal wedges into shoe heels: perhaps the metal wedges could be poisoned? Then we could call the post "The Cobbler's Conspiracy", or something like that.
But why just stop at the insertion of metal wedges? Why not create a serial killer who murders his victims with a wide range of gentleman's accessories: my brass collar stays, for instance, could be thrust into a jugular vein; or sharpened cufflinks could be used to slash someone's wrists; "The Sartorial Sadist Strikes Again" ... I think we have the makings of a best-selling thriller here.
So thanks for the idea Mr Outer Life! I'm off to sell it to PBS.
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Re: My Idea
Don't pinch it. It's copyright.
Posted by: Outer Life McTodd | June 08, 2004 at 23:10
Bed news! They told me it had already been done: a film called "Chinotown" (ha ha)
Posted by: stephenesque | June 09, 2004 at 13:09
With blogs like this around I don't even need website anymore. I can just visit here and see all the latest happenings in the world.
Posted by: page | November 15, 2013 at 04:43