Re-Vamp

Charlotte was only ever available in three flavors: regular plain, apple cinnamon, and this sort of sharp minty kind that I didn’t like. Still, she used to change her packaging all the time, you know, sometimes she came in a paper bag, sometimes she came in a box, and there were different colors every week, often featuring a brand new logo. But she always kept the same twist-off top, and I guess that’s how I’ll remember her the best.
She was a good girl, really: free extra-added power brain; thirty percent more natural goodness; thirty percent less saturated fat. Fun size, family size, and variety pack.
I used to save the coupons for the special souvenir Charlotte merchandise you could win: “Collect them all!” they said. So I did.
Nothing I looked forward to more when I got home from work than settling down with a nice Charlotte.
Then one day they discontinued her model. Out of the blue. Just like that. I went in the store and there was nothing on the shelves. Nothing but this chunky thing called Charlene that looked too chewy for my taste, and it came in all these crazy flavors like “Tropical Fruit” whatever that’s supposed to mean.
I complained to the manager but he just said that most people were sick of the boring old Charlotte flavors and wanted something juicier, something with a bit more fizz; no mess and easily disposable. Artificial sweetener, that’s all Charlene was. Bloody artificial sweetener.
“This is not my cup of tea.” I told the manager.
“Too bad.” he replied.
“Whatever happened to the customer is always right.” I asked.
“We don’t care.” he said. “You get what you’re given and you’d better be happy with it.”
Eventually I simply took my business elsewhere.