Hobbies of Yesteryear

When I was a very young man several years ago, having put aside grubby young man things after succumbing to a formerly dormant romantic streak occasioned by my viewing of The Three Muskateers on television, I decided to take up Olympic fencing as a hobby. I felt it would be approriate, or so I thought at the time, if I were more like the swashbuckling figure of d'Artagnan during my after school activites. Imagine my consternation, then, when I swaggered into my first fencing lesson only to discover that, instead of the flowing silken shirts I'd been expected, I was supposed to garb myself in white tunic and breeches with a sieve-like face mask obscuring my roguish grin and twinkling swordsman's eye; a sartorial outfit that, as far as I was concerned, inspired all the romantic appeal of, and made the wearer resemble one of one of those featureless and wooden, multi-hinged anatomy models that sketching students draw in order to ascertain the correct proportions and various contours of the human body. Swinging from chandeliers was not an option, apparently. Neither was leaping up on to a long oak table laden with fruits and meats whilst in the midst of a duel to the death with the evil Cardinal's men and continuing the fight on that noble surface something that was encouraged by my teachers. And, or so I was informed by the man in charge, it was also considered unsportsmanlike to kick one's worthy opponent in the testicles and then jab between his ribs the glistening dagger you had hitherto kept concealed in your boot. So I only took the one lesson and gave it up as a bad lot. Fortunately, I had just seen the brilliant Zulu and so I developed a healthy interest in red coats, pith helmets, and Lee Enfield rifles, subjects which I began to find far more macho and heroic than all that namby-pamby French epee-waving, frilly-knickerbocker wearing nonsense.

Comments

[PJS]

At least you got to keep the sieve-like mask. Has it come in handy at all since then?

[i, squub]

I've recently visited an IKEA store and discovered a display, amidst the glass baubles and whicker aubles and plastic ubles, of those wooden artist model dealies. So if you're interested in building a small army of fencers, IKEA might be a good place to start.

[stephenesque]

These days I use my sieve-like mask for straining vegetables ... As for an IKEA army: the Scandinaveans alas have never been much good on the battlefields of the world, so I wouldn't recommend such a course of action to anyone.

[Misspent]

I don't think you can dismiss my people that easily, Stephenesque. We were quite good on the battlefield, oh, about three-hundred years ago.

[stephenesque]

You mean the horse loving Queen Christina's army?