Questions of the Season

I just received a Christmas card whose cover depicts the three Kings of Orient, who, having ridden their camels over vast tracks of desert following yonder star, have dismounted outside the lowly cattle shed and are delivering their gifts to the new born prince of peace: three bags full of gold, frankencense, and myrrh.

Now, perhaps I did not pay as much attention to the story of the nativity as I ought to have done in Sunday school, but I don't seem to recall what happened to all that gold.

I mean, if my wife is giving birth in a bloody stable, and someone presents me with enough gold to provide all the rappers in the world with all the gold teeth they could ever desire, well then, I don't know about you, but I'm taking a stroll back around to that Inn with no vacancies:

"No room at the Inn, eh?"

"Nope. No room at all. Fully booked. Sorry."

"Well, you know what, I've just bought the bloody Inn and so from now on there's no room for you either. You're fired. Get out."

"Yes sir. Certainly sir. I shall leave effective immediately."

I don't know. It seems to me that after the arrival of the three kings and their gifts, the holy family really needed a visit from the three wise financial advisers rather than having a bunch of shepherds stumbling through the door with absolutely no understanding of high yield investment strategies. If all that gold had been deposited in a really aggressive portfolio and Jesus could really have lived the high life to the max.

"Mr.Jesus. It's so very nice to see you here again, sir. Your usual table?"

"Naturally ... oh and Geoffrey, I'm expecting another guest for supper so you'd better bring a thirteenth chair."

"Certainly sir."

Just think, all those weird Catholics could be quaffing champagne at communion instead of sipping cheap red wine ... "and this mountainous serving of cavier slathered mouthwatering all over this imported bisquite shall represent my body ..." The possibilites would have been endless.

Comments

[DarkoV]

Excuse my pedestrian remarks here.
The sentence that's causing this typing is, "...the three Kings of Orient, who, having ridden their camels over vast tracks of desert."
As a kid, being introduced to the idea of miracles in religion, I was always confused with the Catholic nuns' definition of a miracle. It seemed so subjective. The perfect example was the whole idea of The Three Kings. A friend of mine, Vito S., whose father was in the dry cleaning business (and also The Business) was as confused as I was about them.

How did these three schlimiels travel all that way through a dusty and sandy landscape and with camel spit virtually hovering around them the entire trip and yet arrive in Bethlehem looking so spiffy and refreshed? All of the paintings we saw depicted their garments as stunningly bright and bereft of desert detritus. Was THIS a miracle?

We'd consulted with Vito's dad, Georgio about this, since he was in the clothes cleaning trade. He looked at us as if we were a couple of pasta fagoles and muttered something about sandblasting & cleaning us.
So, we posed this question to the nuns, believing we'd receive enlightenment. Instead, we had our knuckles rapped and told to say 10 "Holy Mary"'s for our impertinence.

So, Mr. S., was that J.C.'s first miracle? The Cleaning of the Clothes (of the 3 Wise men)? Or am I too concerned with outward appearances and forsaking the soul?

[stephenesque]

Well, cleanliness is next to Godliness, so it very well may be the first work of Jesus.
It's the same as the "where did Noah find two penguins in the middle of the Sinai desert?" issue. We mere mortals cannot answer these mystic questions.
It is just possible that you are the first to tell of the Miracle of the Dry Cleaning, previously excised from the Bible. perhaps you should write a new book?