To The Nth Degree

N is the loud-mouthed, pushy, fake-tanned, leather trousered, bleached and blow-dried haired, pouting, swaggering self-important rock 'n' roll letter: nothing can stand in N's egotistical bid for the spotlight: observe how N elbows A 'n' D aside in modern renderings of the word "and": see how N kicks G off the end of so many contemporized "ing" words in its relentless drive for glory!

And N is not just content with usurping other letters. In mathematical set theory, for example, N is also quite ready and willing to become a generic number and take the place of any other, prime or whole, N doesn't care as long as it is center stage at all times!

This must be why the wise old Hebrews drew N as a slippery eel that they called "nun", for that which tries to be all will eventually become none: you cannot be all things to all men, as the saying goes, and that is exactly what N tries to do.

In Spanish the falangista N has even become two different sounds, and it wears a black beret called a "tilde" at a rakish angle to inform people of which pronunciation of the word to use.

So. Beware of N in your writings, this tyrannical letter may try and wrestle control of your entire paragraph if you don't heed the warnin' signs.

Comments

[DarkoV]

Re: "This must be why the wise old Hebrews drew N as a slippery eel that they called "nun" ". Hmmm. Reeling in the years, I don't recall any nuns that I had the misfortune to encounter that were eel-ish. Their body types tended toward the woodchuck/beaver family; beady eyes and gnawing teeth.

If I may propose a 27th letter, to be squished between "N" and "O". Stealing from the Pythons, I suggest the letter that would be pronounced "Ni" (as in "the Knights that say.." It would basically be the Nth degree of "N". Using "Ni" rather than "N" in a word would indicate to the listener, that the word in question, no matter how ridiculous its intention, is the final word in that discuusion.
Ex.
Situation 1
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"No, really, what's the matter."
"Nothing."
"Oh come on.....etc. for another 5 minutes"

Situation 2:
"What's wrong?"
"(Ni)othing."
"OK, bye."

[Outer Life]

Stephen, you're just a nattering nabob of negativity when it comes to "N". Although, come to think of it, N is a little blow-dried and phony, looking like an M with a nose job, so I guess you have a point there after all.

I look forward to your story of "O", my favorite letter.