Guest Blogger: Cesare Borgia

My dad is Pope, which is nice for me.
I am very partial to two particular flavors of poison: Almondine de Bittere au Regulare, and Yankee-style Carbonated Bitter Almond (the green poison and the red poison as they are more commonly known). My sister, Lucretzia keeps both flavors in small glass vials that she secretes betwixt her ample breasts. When I am not looking, she pours one of the poisons into my afternoon glass of grappa and I have to guess which one it is."
"Almondine de bittere au regular?" I say.
"Wrong!" she shrieks, kicking me playfully in the codpiece.
Then we make love. Afterwards I go outside and invade the Campagna with my soldiers.
When he is not scribbling in one of his black notebooks, my good friend Niccolo says to me: "Many years from now, your descendants will move to a place called New York, and they will learn to balance their lunch boxes on huge swaying iron girders high in the air as they drill rivets into the superstructure of something they will call the Brooklyn Bridge."
"And will these descendents be warriors like me?"
"They will certainly have huge fights about which of them makes the best spaghetti bolognese sauce."
"And who will win?" I ask.
"He who uses The Prince brand spaghetti sauce, of course." Niccolo replies.

Comments

[Bleak Mouse]

Can we look forward to more Guest Bloggers? I'd certainly be interested in reading the idle ruminations of, for instance, The Marquis de Sade, Catherine the Great, Torquemada, Robespierre, and other historical eccentrics.

[R J Keefe]

Funny!