Guest Blogger: The Pope

How I envy (oops!) those dignified and beatific Patriarchs of the Greek Orthodox Church. How regal they appear in their solemn beards, wooden clogs, and imposing headgear. Laundry must be a pinch for them too since it's just those simple black robes: cold wash, quick rinse, and then hung out to dry on a line strung between two olive trees in the Balkan sun. Meanwhile, there's me bent over my basket sorting out my whites and reds in that clammy Vatican basement laundromat.
Fortunately, however, I've recently made a "Road to Damascus" switch to Tru Croz liquid detergent with triple action bleaching power for a really bright clean finish and super swaddling softness, and Tru Croz is colorfast so I don't have to worry about my white vestments turning pink if I select the hot wash cycle. Tru Croz is much, much superior to the Powder from the Pelvic Bone of Saint Theresa of Avila I was using before, that could never get the tough brown stains out of my skull cap.
Obviously, I still bless all my loads first, just in case.
Of course, the annoying rumble of the old Maytag is always a pain during vespers, just like that pesky high-pitched whirring sound from the spin dryer which nearly always interrupts matins. But what are you going to do? I mean, you don't want to be sitting there the whole time knowing you've got a filthy, incense smoke stained hem when the faithful are kissing it. Now that truly would be a sin.

Comments

[DarkoV]

Hope the Pope makes another appearance with his Divine Wear hints. Wine stains. That's the info I need; how does he expunge wine stains? Pillar of Salt? Tried that. Leaves an ivory colored ring around a pinkish hue remnant of that divine Brunello di Montalcino.

[Andraste]

Yes, yes, and I'd also like to hear the Holy Father's thoughts on Shroud of Turin dryer sheets vs. Holy Springs of Gridino-Shouvoye fabric softener.

[Billy Swagg]

I am in 2ond grade.

We made up this song The Pope is a dope the pope is a Dope

This kid Wilbert is a Cahtlic. He goes He is Not!!

He hits like a girl. What a dork.

[Mortimer Shy]

I can see why you are celebate. And infallible.

[stephenesque]

So, whenever you hear the Pope sermonize about things that "toil not neither do they spin" - you can be sure that the Vatican City Coin-Op is on the fraz again.

[Anna]

Don't you think the Pope is above such mundanity as spin driers? It's all done by divine intervention:
Thou shalt sprinkle me with hyssop, and I shall be cleansed, Thou shalt wash me, and I shall be made whiter than snow.