Guest Blogger: the Manageress of the Vatican City Coin-Op

We had a bloody great big conclave of cardinals in here the other week. A whole effing college of them trying to wash their sacramental vestments on the cheap with only a tiny chalice of detergent to share between them. Listen, I told them, ff you're going to stick your silks in the machines then for God's sake use the damn delicate cycle. How many sodding times do I have to say it? And do they listen? No of course they don't and it's "unbalanced load" signals all over the place as you might expect.
So I told them, I said, listen, I said, I said I know that your scarlet vestments symbolise the fact that you're willing to die for your faith, so if you overload these washers again with them I'll wring your stinking scrawny Jesuit necks for you. Understand? And while you're at it, don't go trying to push your worthless Polish money in to the change machine again.
I tell you, I'm wasting my breath. No matter how often I scream and yell they just huddle in a group around the fabric softener dispenser and mutter amongst themselves in Latin. Meanwhile there's a single skull cap flopping about in an otherwise empty dryer. Idiots.

Posted in response to the Pope's guest blogger spot last week.

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