Going by the new and rather unwieldy calendar I have devised, today is the millionth of Erasmustard; which, of course, made yesterday Wibblygibblymas Eve. Hurrah! I bet all those kids who knew about it had a hard time getting to sleep last night! ... although I'm sure they were all very perplexed to wake up this morning and discover that nobody actually gets any presents on Wibblygibblymas Day.
Still, never mind, that's their problem, and the disappointment of greedy children won't stop me from wishing you all a very merry Wibblygibblymas and a happy New Pingo ... like the one being celebrated by this fine gentleman:
Meanwhile, since you probably don't know yet, let me tell you that the Wibblygibblymas season is a time when we forgive those who are a pain in our ass, so I hope you will forgive me for inventing a calendar that has a million days per month, and a thousand months per year. Indeed, the paper version is so enormous that those among you with busy schedules will obviously need to hire a truck to transport your at-a-glance pocket day-planners around from place to place. After all, you wouldn't want to miss that important lunch date on the 567,021st of Zuuuuup, would you?
But then again, perhaps you would, since, at least according to the farmer's almanac I've just written, the 567,021st of Zuuuuup is traditionally an unlucky day for lunch dates. Mind you, it's so far in the future that anyone reading this will be dead by then anyway.
I wonder, did Julius Ceasar encounter these kinds of time problems when he was putting his calendar together?
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