Boris the Bee Keeper's Blog For Kids

Hello children. I'm Boris the Beekeeper. Do you want to come and see my Magic Bee Hive? It's just down the garden path here, next to the foul smelling, worm-riddled compost heap. I want to see if I can collect some lovely honey from my Magic Bee Hive for sweetening that disgusting herbal tea which is the only kind my stupid wife buys.
But first we have to put on our protective clothing so that we don't get stung by the nasty possessive bees when we try to steal their honey. That fool of a wife of mine got stung yesterday, which is why her head has swelled up like a beach ball and is full of greeney-yellow pus. She might die because she's allergic. She can't eat peanuts either. Isn't she stupid, children!
Do you know how we collect the honey from the Magic Bee Hive? No? Well that's because you are stupid too and cannot even wipe your noses properly. Oh well, I guess I shall have to demonstrate.
What we do is, we spray poison on the bees so that they all die. When they have fallen on the ground, we stamp really hard on the ones that are not dead yet and shout "Die! Die!" at them in a funny German accent. Then we sweep them up into the big, black plastic garbage bag and burn them on a big bonfire that annoys the neighbors. Then we have a cigarette and a large scotch. Afterwards we smash the Magic Bee Hive with a heavy sledgehammer and pay the kid next door five cents per hour to scoop the honey up with his bare hands. And that is how Honeynut Cheerio breakfast cereal is made.
Next week I'll be showing you how to destroy a summer picnic by inviting lots of ants and wasps along! So bugger off until then and leave me in peace. Bye bye.