This week's Crystal Phallus Focus introduces readers to new Centering Center member Roger Wirthluss.
Roger is a local chartered accountant, vegan, model boat builder, shaman and healer who will be conducting our regular tantric enema groups using the sacred name Boring Elk. And those of you with credit card difficulties will be interested to know that Roger will also be employing his professional expertise by sponsoring a financial guru workshop and pow-wow every Tuesday night in the second floor wigwam. Students will explore their credit card debts via body painting and anal play. Ask for Big Chief Crunching Number on extension 693 for more details
Please note: Roger suffers from chronic asthma and finds it difficult to breathe when ritual feathers get stuck up his nose. Therefore celebrants should refrain from bringing anything feathery into the wigwam. Smoke inhalation is also a problem for Roger, which means incense and candle burning is strictly prohibited as well. Furthermore, Roger has an acute allergy to most herbal oils, consequently the application of patchouli, sandalwood, jasmine and other scents should be avoided during massage sessions (Roger can supply an odorless lubricant for interested parties for a nominal fee). And one more thing, Roger's nose is highly sensitive to the smell of feet, so socks or slippers should be worn at all times inside the wigwam. Apart from these specific footwear requirements, total nudity is enthusiastically encouraged for the duration of each of Roger's healing and financial workshops.
Stop Press: Roger's Financial Guru class this forthcoming Tuesday night has been canceled because he has a bad cold.
East Twatford Centering Center is an equal opportunities employer.
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