Festive Fowl

Christmas is coming and my goose is getting extremely fat indeed. Some health experts have declared that he is technically obese, and I've even caught the little ducks call him "lard ass" and "foie gras butt" and other names that make fun of his enormous weight gain.
And perhaps they are right. He's almost as big as me now and I blame myself. I don't have the time to feed the goose proper wholemeal corn dinners when I get home from work, and so he is forced to subsist on a diet of cheeseburgers and chocolate. Also, he just slouches about in his pen all day, playing peck the nearest thing to his feet and crapping all over the floor, rather than exercising in the farmyard like a fit goose would do.
Frankly, it's got to the point now where I'm actually looking forward to slathering butter across his back and eating the lazy bastard. It will do him good to get a taste of his own medicine for once. That damn goose will never learn until his goose is well and truly cooked!