Tree House Christmas

It has been a long standing Christmas tradition in my family to hang full-size gorilla costumes over our fireplace rather than the simple, customary stocking. The reason for such unconventional yuletide behavior stems from my great-grandfather's unsubstantiated claim that Santa Claus and Tarzan are in fact one and the same; a personality whom he referred to as "The Jolly Ape Man."
"Tarzan's famous jungle yodel," he would assert as he carved the Christmas goose in his tropical pith helmet, "Is merely an equatorial variation upon Santa's seasonal Ho ho ho, which he bellows as he swings through the snowy city streets on a system of telephone lines and electricity cables, dressed in nothing but a red loincloth with fur trim and matching hat, delivering his toys to only those children who don't behaved like a flatulent herd of wildebeests embarrassing themselves at a watering hole."
Suffice it to say, on Christmas morning my gorilla costume was usually empty.

Comments

[Peter Horne]

That explains a lot.The derangement is obviously the result of child cruelty.You have my deepest sympathy.

[OutOfContext]

My father used to read from "John Carter, Warlord of Mars" on Christmas Eve. Someone should look into the effect of Burroughs on the Greatest Generation.

[kirsten]

-and a good thing too...
gorilla suits and fire - sounds like Hop Frog to me!