How Not To Be Fat

The best way not to be fat is simply not to be American. But this may be harder than you think.
Recent scientific studies have shown that even the very air in America is full of extra calories; fatty pollution caused by the over frying of fossil cheeses in millions of unregulated fast food restaurants.
Another cause of climate obesity is the sugary, sticky clouds formed by the evaporation of super-sized cola drinks and chocolate sick. The result is dangerous sky belching and uncontrollable atmospheric flatulence. What was once the o-zone layer has gained so much weight that it is now the O-zone layer.
There is no longer enough room in the bulging American sky to contain such a vast and frequent caloric intake, and so its ever expanding ass must waddle into the air space of foreign countries and sit on their heads as well.
If you are in Kosovo and you happen to observe a hamburger shaped cloud hovering overhead, please contact the United Nations, and they will direct you to the appropriate authorities.