In Old Londinium Town

It always amuses me when sanctimonious, stuffed-shirted British media bores bemoan the modern youth trend for tattoos and piercings. After all, according to the Greek geographer Pytheas, the very name "Britain" has its origins in an ancient word, Pretani, meaning "the tattooed people."
So, combined with their love of getting fall-down drunk, it would seem that the UK's body modified kids are simply returning to their crypto-Celtic, pre-Romanized roots and traditions, which is very conservative of them.
Indeed, when I last visited Londinium I was accosted by such a tattooed hooligan, who, rather than steal my iPhone, demanded to trade his precious, indigenous metals for the basketball fabrics and fast-food spices I carried with me. "Oi, Boudicca," he cried out to his similarly decorated girlfriend, "What do you think of these saturated fats what this geezer wants to swap?"
"Give him six sheets of tin and an Amy Winehouse CD for two pounds of Vermont cheddar and that Lakers' jersey." she called back.
Then, ominously, all three of us shared a can of Danish lager to seal the deal.

A note on the text: The first two paragraphs are absolutely true. Alas, my mind started to wander after that and we have the usual nonsense pushing its way to the fore.

Comments

[Peter Horne]

It's the usual nonsense that I and your other regular reader read you for. And we're not Celtic, the Celts only got as far as Gaul. Our ancestors actually came from Northern Spain so that makes us Basques (or is it Basks?) or is a Basque an item of ladies' underwear? Bugger! Back to the binge-drinking for me.

[stephenesque]

Surely the Celts went "round the Horne" as well?
Obviously the cultural designation "Celtic" is really up for grabs in ethnographical terms, which is why I used the term "crypto-Celtic." I'd say that about every one in La Tene modern Europeans have some Keltoid blood in them (lame archeological joke, apologies in advance).

[Laurent]

I understood that the actual Britons retreated to Wales, and that the Saxons took over from there.