Connoisseurs of the Ceylonese pekoe leaf will be delighted to hear that I have recently developed an article of revolutionary tea-making apparatus: the Brew-Ha-Ha.
It is a kettle that laughs rather than whistles; producing an airy, tinkling titter not unlike the sound of a virginal wood nymph having an ogre's penis described to her. It took me absolutely ages to capture that.
Unfortunately, instead of the traditional relaxing beverage beloved of the English, Russians and Chinese, my Brew-Ha-Ha brews tea that causes extreme anxiety and intense nervous activity after a single sip. This is because the inside of the kettle is coated with lead paint.
This may be a design flaw but it also offers a selection of attractively vibrant colors you can choose from, such as morning red, scarlet secret, ultimate lipstick, and blood nouveau.
Brew-Ha-Ha's are roughly the size of an Olympic swimming pool, and they make a wonderful additions to whatever land you can encroach upon on your next-door neighbor's property.
(I was forced to change the title of this post because some people are apparently a little bit dense)
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