I am currently pitching the harrowing but ultimately uplifting story of my amazing life to Oprah Winfrey. I think it will be a bestseller and should inspire at least three separate Oscar-winning movie adaptations.
No doubt cynics will claim that I could never actually have been imprisoned in Buchenwald concentration camp since I am not old enough to have been alive then.
No doubt they will also cast their filthy aspersions on my heart-warming memories of being rescued from that Nazi hell by a passing flying saucer piloted by homeless aliens.
No doubt they will mock my account of gaining three-hundred pounds of bodyweight while aboard the nomadic space cruiser.
No doubt they will scoff at my incredible story of losing all that fat in under six weeks thanks to diet tips I received from a talking fish called Archibald the Fish.
No doubt they will point out that I am not even a middle-aged Vietnamese-American woman called Ngo Bah Mitty who came to this country to escape the terrible conflicts in Indochina that killed the rest of my family.
But unfortunately for them I have irrefutable evidence that proves everything that I have written is completely true: there is video footage of me talking about it on WBS's The Veronica Harrison Show in 1998.
No doubt cynics will claim that I could never actually have been imprisoned in Buchenwald concentration camp since I am not old enough to have been alive then.
No doubt they will also cast their filthy aspersions on my heart-warming memories of being rescued from that Nazi hell by a passing flying saucer piloted by homeless aliens.
No doubt they will mock my account of gaining three-hundred pounds of bodyweight while aboard the nomadic space cruiser.
No doubt they will scoff at my incredible story of losing all that fat in under six weeks thanks to diet tips I received from a talking fish called Archibald the Fish.
No doubt they will point out that I am not even a middle-aged Vietnamese-American woman called Ngo Bah Mitty who came to this country to escape the terrible conflicts in Indochina that killed the rest of my family.
But unfortunately for them I have irrefutable evidence that proves everything that I have written is completely true: there is video footage of me talking about it on WBS's The Veronica Harrison Show in 1998.
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