Dairy, Dairy Quite Contrary

My intention was to write a post detailing the numerous pros and cons of consuming unusual dairy products: obscure international cheeses; pints of udder stout; creamed streptococcus thermophilus; oxen nadger curd; and so on. But what can be said about oxen nadger curd that has not already be said?

A cynical attempt to attract more female readers was to be made by highlighting the keywords "lactose" and "intolerance," although, tantalizingly, never in the same sentence.

For amateur scientists, a graphic and disturbing account of the time I unwisely examined a milk droplet under a microscope was to be included (my dreams were filled with images of churning, buttery, black worms for weeks afterwards).

I also planned to debate the controversial issues of full-fat versus non-fat yogurt; plain versus flavored; fruit on the bottom versus fruit already mixed in; and Greek yogurt versus yogurt from economically stable countries.

Then there was the whole flan equation that I wanted to discuss. A freshly served flan, as the physicists Gustavo Taht and Ernst Karamull both noted, vibrates at a rate of eighty million kilopuddings per microsecond. An eminently disputable statistic such as this obviously raises many questions, even if none of them are actually worth answering.

So why is no post about dairy products appearing this week? Well, much like Salem witches cast evil spells to make their neighbors milk go sour, an evil hex as fallen upon my dairy ruminations: the ancient and powerful curse of boredom.

In short, I am sick and weary of the subject before I've even considered writing the first word of the first sentence. This is a great shame since I have already expended a great deal of mental effort thinking about the subject, as you can see from the brief paragraph outlines above.

If only it were possible to take all those uncoordinated, unorganized thoughts and magically transform them into publishable blog form without actually sitting down at my computer and completing all that tedious typing. If only I had a secretary to act as a 200WPM milkmaid for the rich cream of my creativity, then I could pace around and pontificate to my heart's content while she tapped away.

Alas, I am but a humble scribe with no means to support such luxuries. The only office aides I have at my disposal are grim determination and black coffee.

Comments

[Giric]

It's really too bad that voice activated software is still so sucky, you could jabber away and the computer would type it up for you. At its present level your blogs would look like some sort of gibberish, but don't be downhearted, the computer mavins are hard at work trying to make it feasible. I fear when they have perfected it, the web will be filled with every mans minds mumblings.

[american fez]

That's a good thought, but I prefer to employ the human touch (meaning I prefer to boss people around).

[Giric]

As to dairy...I am reminded of a soft red brown, doe eyed Guernsey cow we had when I was a girl. It was my, "duty," to milk her every night after school. She gave the very best milk and sweetest cream. My Dad used to make up his secret ice cream recipe, which we then took turns cranking on our hand cranked ice cream maker. I have never tasted better ice cream since...yum!

[Giric]

I see, another secret, "One Ring," wearer. I have accused my husband of that. He also has the will to dominate. As to myself I would never think of it.
{Any sarcastic reply will do here.}

[Laurent]

Especially with writing text that does happen yes, the moment you want to put your thoughts in words you don't want to anymore.

[Giric]

This is like, looking at the, post a comment block, and thinking...how can I make him laugh, before I have to get back to cleaning toilets, for my company arriving this weekend?! Seriously, which would you prefer?! Typing or toilets?
He responds...
Too much information...really way too much information. Sorry.

[american fez]

You put it far more succinctly that I did, Laurent! That's exactly what I wanted to say.

[american fez]

Only schadenfreude makes me laugh.

[Giric]

I shall not gloat, should I observe, your morose delectation.
Nor sneeringly, return a taunt, with joyous predilection. Sighs...

[Tatyana]

That's the reason for a considerable time I open my blog page, make mental list of what I was going to write about, sigh and close it again.

[Christian louboutin discount]

As to dairy...I am reminded of a soft red brown, doe eyed Guernsey cow we had when I was a girl. It was my, "duty," to milk her every night after school. She gave the very best milk and sweetest cream. My Dad used to make up his secret ice cream recipe, which we then took turns cranking on our hand cranked ice cream maker. I have never tasted better ice cream since...yum!

[Ray Ban wayfarer]

pushed him on toward the rig.It was 2 a.m.On legs so weak he could barely lift