The Dining Experience

Hello and welcome to Steak Schtick where meat is fun. My name is Atahualpa and I'll be your server this evening. Have either of you been to a Steak Schtick before? Obviously not because today is our Grand Opening isn't it, ha ha, and so I hope you brought your ninety-percent off coupon with you. I will be getting you started with a drink order in just a few moments but first let me tell you a little about our menu. The menu is divided into three sections: the Tonto section, the Lone Ranger section, and the Heigh-Ho Silver section. I think you'll agree that it's so much more fun than just calling the sections Appetizer, Entree and Dessert like other boring restaurants do. And we want your meal at at Steak Schtick to be fun from beginning to end, and there's no more fun way to begin a meal than with a refreshing cocktail.
But before you decide on drinks let me just tell you about those mouthwatering individual menu sections in case that impacts your drink order. But before I do that I just want to thank you on behalf of everyone at Steak Schtick for coming in tonight by giving you another ninety-percent off coupon, good for dinner at any Steak Schtick or participating Chicken Chuckle.
Now let's hear about those menu sections which will only take a few seconds and then I'll get your cocktail order.
The Tonto section contains all of our small steak plate offerings, ideal for sharing as long as you order a lot of them. Unfortunately we are already out of the steak tips, the steak ends and the steak middles, but please feel free to order from the remaining Tonto dishes such as the steak flanks. I love the left flank of the steak and the right flank is also a favorite of mine. We recommend a minimum of two steak flanks per person if you're going to be ordering them.
Now the Lone Ranger section. These are our biggest, juiciest steaks and you won't want to share with anyone. I do have to tell you that we are out of the ribeye, the sirloin, the filet mignon, the strip, the porterhouse and the tenderloin. But we do have the Chinese Kobe beef burger and our delicious rump cut of finest steak ass. You will need to order the Chinese Kobe beef burger ASAP if you want that.
And finally the Heigh-Ho Silver section. Here you will find a selection of gourmet desserts for when you're preparing to ride off into the sunset. I definitely recommend the lemon custard pie since it's the only thing we've got left.
As always we have no specials at Steak Schtick because everything we make is special every day. Do you need a minute to decide? Probably not since you can only have the flank and the rump steak and the custard pie. Now I don't want to rush you but as I mentioned earlier this is our Grand Opening and we do have people already waiting for your table. Oh, did you want a drink? You should have said. Unfortunately we don't have a liquor license just yet but someone will be over with complimentary tap water very shortly.

Comments

[Laurent]

Or like Jerry Seinfeld said 'I hate the specials, I don't want to know about the specials, if they were so special they'd be on the menu"

[american fez]

Yes. Specials are undoubtedly the chef's method of getting rid of things that have been in the freezer too long.

[Giric]

You forgot about the roaches so friendly they've been hired as waiters.

[Giric]

Speaking of lousy dining, I once had a, "hovering yank-myster," snatch a plate away from me as my last bite of food was ascending to my mouth. Then when I didn't immediately get up and leave, the self same fool kept coming by to see if I wanted to order some desert. When I kept replying no, he came and began clearing my table away while I was sitting there, commenting the while on how busy they were and needed the table. This was bull. The place was almost empty, and I knew why. The jerk was driving people off.

[Mont Blanc Pens]

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[ran ban wayfarer]

kids get into it because they know you have something else going on. Sometimes I wear my team jacket at school. Maybe it will inspire kids