Back from the Christmas break and intent on killing early New Year time at the photocopier, I pass by the grim, beige cubicle wherein the Acrylic Creep (see below) plies what is laughably known as "his trade." Besides his computer monitor with its greasy keyboard are propped three hardcover books: Webster's dictionary, a preposterously slim atlas of the world, and Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends And Influence People, all missing their dust jackets.
Judging by his monosyllabic conversation and equally semiliterate emails, I'm surely justified in my belief that the Acrylic Creep never consults his dictionary. The skimpy atlas is obviously useless as it's so thin it must confine itself to mapping an entire continent per single page. Besides which, ours is purely a local business so international reference materials serve no purpose anyway. As for How To Win Friends And Influence People, I can only assume, not having read the tome myself, that Carnegie fails to discuss the topic of manmade fibers in the workplace.
Does Dale Carnegie suggest that a good method of creating friendships and influence is to bore colleagues with interminable descriptions of your exceptionally tedious and decidedly unfestive holiday? For this seems to be the sole tactic the Acrylic Creep employs to enhance his reputation as a popular mover and shaker in the office and beyond.
Of course, the very fact that he exhibits How To Win Friends And Influence People in such a prominent place in his cubicle only proves the Acrylic Creep's failure to learn any of life's lessons, never mind successfully digest the contents of a self-help book. Why advertise your personal inefficiencies and problems to other people? It's rather like keeping hemorrhoid cream or anti-flatulence medication in the Inbox on your desk. Surely your Ninja attempts at pretending to be a normal, intelligent, and friendly human being should be transparent to those you wish to delude?
Comments