Pick Your Poison

More and more poisoned chalices are appearing on the altars of daily life during these "Covid times." It's as if someone somewhere is selling poisoned chalice franchises in the manner of MacDonalds restaurants. After all, where better for a poisoned chalice to be displayed than beneath a golden arch. And, like a giveaway MacDonalds movie tie-in soda cup, you get to keep the chalice after the poison has been drunk.

But what do you do with a used poisoned chalice? Once drained of its poison the chalice loses its luster, becoming a sort of mundane Secular Grail rather than a potential Holy Grail, and stored in the brain's equivalent of the back of the kitchen cabinet next to those plastic tiki goblets of the soul. Even an extra rinse cycle in the bottom rack of the dishwasher can't remove the stain of Lady Macbeth's lipstick from the rim. Believe me, I've tried and it won't come off.

Of course, the wise thing to do when presented with a poisoned chalice is covertly pour its contents into the nearest plant pot when nobody is watching, then boisterously wave the empty chalice around in the air while claiming to have downed the poison in a single gulp. Gradually lose your grip of the chalice until it sails out of your hand and across the room, hopefully shattering into many pieces on the floor. Make it look like an accident, as they say.

Unfortunately, the aforementioned current proliferation of poisoned chalices makes this a difficult trick to pull off these days. Not only does the poisoned chalice recipient have more chalices to juggle, but dependable potted plants are being usurped by trendy air plants containing much less soil with which to absorb all that extra dumped poison. You'll end up with telltale wet spots on the carpet. Trust me, I've spent a lot of time on my hands and knees with paper towels recently.

Comments

[Tatyana]

Why not leave the despicable task of mopping someone else's poison to that same someone else? Or, better yet, stick it in their own mouth before it makes the aforementioned stain on your carpet (if not on dignity)?

[stephenesque]

Ah, alas, cleaning up after themselves is the *last* thing people do.