Although encasing sweaty and often unwashed hands can be no paradise, a pair of gloves, like Adam and Eve, is made to be together. You can't imagine a misanthropic glove wanting so-called 'alone time' or sailing single-handedly around the globe. A glove needs to be half of a happy couple or it has no purpose, unless some joker balances it on his head while impersonating a chicken. And being condemned to life as an ad-hoc chicken costume is a fate worse than the garbage dump for any surviving five fingers of a once proud Christmas present.
I came across such a solitary glove cowering on the sidewalk yesterday afternoon, left behind in unfamiliar and hostile territory, having fallen unnoticed from its owner's coat pocket as they ran down the street to catch the bus at the corner. Picking the glove up, I gently laid it on top of a nearby mailbox in case its owner should return in search of their lost property. For surely anyone suddenly discovering themselves in possession of only one glove wishes to reunite such a bereft woolen mitt with its absent partner as soon as possible? I would. But then I'm apparently one of those sentimental fools who secretly believes inanimate objects are endowed with human feelings. I'd be frantically retracing my steps while reassuring my remaining glove it would be reunited with its other half before the sky grew dark.
Unfortunately, the lost glove was still unclaimed when I passed the mailbox this morning, its knitted fabric frostbitten by an overnight cold front and the day's forecast predicted freezing rain. Soon the glove would be too weatherbeaten to be of much use to anyone except a one-armed scarecrow. Honestly, if I knew its owner's address and name I'd stick a first class stamp on the palm and send the glove back home in style. Meanwhile, I can only hope the callous, careless owner of the glove is punished like the three little kittens who lost their mittens and gets no pie.
...or:
you can give it a second home and employment as a polisher of leather shoes!
Posted by: T | January 10, 2023 at 15:42
Yes, that's a good idea but I already have so many of those!
Meanwhile, the glove was still there again this morning. No takers but no trashers either.
Posted by: stephenesque | January 11, 2023 at 09:19