American Fez

Hopper's Holiday

Imagine the cover of an Edward Hopper Christmas card: perhaps the Angel of the Lord appearing to those Nighthawks at the Diner; possibly the two women in Chop Suey are captivated by yonder star while tending their soup at night; maybe even the furniture in Room In Brooklyn is decorated with holly and ivy and a strategically positioned sprig of mistletoe.

But most likely we're looking at a lonely cattle shed beside an abandoned railroad track rendered in shades of brown, devoid of humans and animals, no heavenly light shining forth, absolutely nothing in Excelsis. 'Season's greetings, love Ed and Jo.'

Not the most festive imagery, I'm sure we all agree. So I decided the create a Hopper nativity scene of my own. It lacks the artist's melancholia and muted color palette, no doubt, yet I feel if some ceramic souvenir company were interested we could manufacture the components of an Edward Hopper Christmas Village to supersede the more conventional and rather tired Charles Dickens Christmas Village that people's mothers find so enamoring. Here's my original design, let me know what you think you holiday giftware wholesalers out there.

Festive Foie Gras

My favorite Christmas song is the brief ditty about 'the' goose getting fat, presumably via a rigorous program of force feeding: festive foie gras, as I have called it. The poor goose's waistline increases as our Lord's nativity approaches. Soon it will be roasting upon a spit while we retrieve gleaming, bow-tied boxes from beneath the over-baubled boughs of our star-topped tree. Farewell obese bird and welcome Yule.

Later, the song encourages listeners to place a penny in the old man's hat, despite the fact that almost all modern panhandler's prefer to shake a Starbucks cup in your face rather than an upturned fedora when collecting alms. If you don't have a penny, the song continues (and who does carry cash around with them these days?), then you can consider yourself blessed by God. I suppose it's some sort of special seasonal beatitude: blessed are the none penny havers. Whatever, there is plenty for Christmas musicologists to dig their teeth into here, besides that mouthful of festive foie gras. It certainly beats Oh Come All Ye Faithful, Once In Royal David's City and all those dreary carols, that's for sure.