The gentrification of Armpits continues apace with some exciting news. In addition to the biweekly trimming schedule initiated last month, a new block of luxury, designer deodorant has been applied to both underarm districts. It is not only Aluminium-free to address environmental concerns but also offers an attractive sandalwood scent, so is sure to become a welcome addition to our daily ablutions.
Alas, some neighbors have complained that zoning regulations demand the new deodorant has antiperspirant properties also. While we understand the interest in reducing streams of sweat from contaminating the areas in question, we feel that such manipulation of the sudoriferous glands undermines the natural bacterial processes of our local biosphere.
If these gentrification proposals prove both popular and effective, frequent maintenance of the type described above will be extended to other regions of the body where age and apathy have taken their toll, notably East and West Nostril, Upper Lip, and the bailiwick of Scrotum, all of which are in much need of care and attention. Planning proposals have been posted in the bathroom.
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