Neighborhood Watch, Part 2026

'A house is not a home' is particularly true in my neighborhood, where developers are demolishing old, shingled Victorians and building functional boxes instead. These new constructions are two bedroom hamster cages where the inhabitants subsist rather than live; spaces designed for binge-watching Netflix and doom-scrolling through social media. It seems we have expanded the concept of TV Dinners into total Flat Screen Residential Existence. Le Corbusier's Machine for Living has become a CPAP Machine for Living. We are more concerned with streaming platforms on our devices than books in our bookcases. The family room is now an area where directionless individuals impersonate the vegetable of their choice until bedtime. 

Sometimes, when walking the dog down my street, I see someone staring out of a window with a worried expression on their face. I used to know who lived in that house when it was a home. But now I have no idea who those anxious features belong to. Could be anyone who wears the domestic uniform of sweatpants and hoodie. The previous owner was a hoarder. I remember it took at least a week for the local sanitation team to empty all the worthless bric-a-brac collected inside. The new owner also appears to be hoarder. Except they hoard neuroses not personal possessions. Perhaps one day, when they have no more shows to watch on TV, they will snap and run outside shooting at whatever crosses their path. But I hope to have moved to the seaside by then. That's the plan, anyway.


O Little Town

Walking past my neighbor's seasonally decorated house last night, I noticed that the illuminated nativity scene in the front yard was reduced to the Three Kings of Orient only. I'm pretty certain their lowly-cattle-shed diorama included a full complement of characters last year, so what has happened to the holy family, attendant angels, shepherds and oxen? Moreover, the actual cattle shed itself is missing, and the Three Kings consequently exiled to an unkempt forest of privet hedges and boxwoods, their only guiding star being a nearby street lamp that shines over an illegally parked Honda CRV instead of the birth of baby Jesus.  Apparently, this year's nativity scene is set around December 20th or 21st, when the Three Kings are still traipsing across nowheresville Judea via plastic camel. No room at the Inn or on the lawn either it seems. But such minimalism is not a bad idea, especially if you want some sort of nativity scene display but lack the energy to build the whole fragile shed thing then arrange the finicky little figures and random menagerie around the manger, etcetera. The shed will just collapse by Christmas Eve and the characters all topple over anyway, so why bother?


The Old Haunts

Take a wander through your old haunts. Observe the disheveled specter of the rag-and-bone man driving his horse-drawn carriage of unwanted j...